Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
what day is it and did you see me today?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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