We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
