I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
