it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
