Already got asked if we're dating
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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