i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize