Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
