my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
