I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
