just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
