Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
