Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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