Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
