do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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