Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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