i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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