you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i came on her dog
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
