tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
home. puking in laundry basket.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
