Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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