So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
