There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
