The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
