You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
