i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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