I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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