I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i love accidental penises.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
