I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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