My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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