I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
