Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
