Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
