My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
