i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
