I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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