Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
