How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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