evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
