u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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