A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
