The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm too high and old for this...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
