i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
