ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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