I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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