and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Is it because I queefed?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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