Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
