So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
