he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He passed out mid-signature
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
