Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
