So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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