can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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