He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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