I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
