from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
