He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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