are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
