i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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