Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You need a sexual gate keeper
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
