DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
