3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
