It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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