he wants to bone in the snuggie
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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