Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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