I think I died a long time ago.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
