Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
