thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
